The overall management of child behavior includes creating structure, setting limits and rules, and fostering cooperative behavior. Parents who provide each are establishing discipline with their kids. They are managing the family and clearly setting the family structure, with them at the helm.
Creating Structure
Children may vary in how much structure suits their temperament, but all need some schedule and routine in order to function well. It is structure that helps them feel safe in an often overwhelming world. It helps them know what to expect from others and themselves, what to do to gain parents’ approval, and it helps decrease the anxiety that can be associated with having no routine.
Schedules do not have to be highly programmed or inflexible to be effective. They ought to incorporate some degree of adaptability to changes and unforeseen circumstances. They do, however, need be consistent in non-negotiable areas (for example, bedtime) yet somewhat flexible in other, perhaps more negotiable areas (like snack times). This allows children to develop expectations of their daily life.
Setting Limits and Rules
There are several reasons children need to know there exist limits to what they can do or say. First, it helps them understand the structure of the home, family and society; that parents are the boss and adults are authorities.
Also, the rules tell kids that they can only go so far before they have done something inappropriate. This helps them learn right from wrong and lays the groundwork for the development of values, morals, a sense of justice, and personal responsibility.
Limits and rules provide children with the framework for maturing into responsible members of society. The more house rules match those in greater society, the more socially appropriate the child’s behavior. Limits also help make kids feel secure and protected in society by providing guidelines for their behavior as well as an expectation of how others ought to treat them.
Fostering Cooperative Behavior
Rules, limits, and schedules are useless if transgressing them carries no consequence. Children are impulsive and immature physically, cognitively, and emotionally. They are not necessarily going to follow rules just because parents set them.
At times, rules and schedules may be too difficult for kids to follow. Know if a child’s failure to comply stems from developmental factors. Perhaps the schedule or rules are too complex or difficult for this child at this time. Adjust these to meet their developmental level.
Children are also likely to test limits by breaking rules and schedules. They need to know how far they can go before they experience the comfort of a parents hold. Appropriate discipline represents the psychological hold kids require to feel safe and secure.
Without the limits and their reinforcement, kids fail to learn that behavior has consequences. They also fail to develop a sense of personal responsibility and the know-how to make constructive choices.
Failing to discipline transgressions makes it difficult for children to respect parental authority, develop parental trust and respect, and experience the world as stable and manageable.
When children fail to comply with rules, limits, and the schedule set by parents, it is important for parents to provide immediate consequences. Either withdrawing a privilege (dessert) or applying a negative outcome (time-out) will teach children that transgressions can bring negative consequences.
Similarly, cooperation can be encouraged with rewards conferred from either the removal of something unpleasant (delaying an early bedtime) or the addition of something pleasant (extra television time). Consistently expecting kids to abide by parents’ expectations and regularly enforcing suitable consequences are critical elements of disciplined parenting.
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